A 5 Step Sequence for Suffering
Life is filled with ups and downs. Building resilience and a toolkit to learn how to handle the lows is essential to make sure that we don’t get stuck there and can move forward towards thriving. Here is one option of a sequence of 5 tools that can help us get unstuck from sticky unhelpful thoughts or feelings. Feel free to try them in order or separately and let us know what works! Keep in mind all of these tools are trial and error to see what works best for you. Use these tools to lower your distress so you’re no longer in a highly emotional state of mind. When we’re calm, we can solve whatever problem we’re facing with a more skilful and wise mind.
1. MINDFUL SELF COMPASSION
Ideally sitting somewhere alone focus on what’s causing you distress and notice how it makes you feel emotionally and physically. Where in your body do you feel it? Once you’re in touch with how it’s making you feel say to yourself “this is a moment of suffering” or “this is stress”. Now say to yourself “suffering is part of life” “everyone goes through moments of struggle like this“ Affirming this to yourself can help you to feel that your feelings of pain are not unique to you and that human beings all have moments like this in life which are unavoidable - you’re not alone. This moment will pass and you can and will move through it. You might like to bring your hand to your heart and say something like “May I be kind to myself” or “may I be patient”. Relief can come from affirming that you’re experiencing suffering and feeling that you’re not alone - that it’s a common shared part of humanity to suffer. Also relief can come from stating your intention to be kind to yourself and compassionate.
2. ACT OPPOSITE TO WHAT THE EMOTION IS TELLING YOU TO DO
Let’s take sadness for example: Rather than get sucked into the emotion and staying in bed and feeling sad and crying move towards doing the opposite of that and get up and go out, do something that will help you feel better… an action that’s in line with your values, long term goals and the best person you want to be.
3. DISTRACT YOURSELF FROM YOUR PAIN
Duration: 1 - 30 min try not to let it take you away from important activities that are in line with your values.
If you’re still struggling with difficult thoughts try distract yourself from them by doing things such as folding washing or doing your work, getting a massage/ self soothing activity. Go to a cafe and watch people or order your favourite food. Completely engage all of your senses (sight, smell, hearing, touching, taste + breath) in these activities - when your mind wanders bring it back to the present moment and what you’re doing currently. Distress usually only occurs when we focus our awareness on the past or future and the stories and words we project about them in our minds. When we do this we lose sight of where we are right NOW (usually all is well and good).
4. NAME YOUR THOUGHTS
Each time a difficult though arises name it and quietly say to yourself “I’m having the thought that” this helps you to see it’s just a thought and not your current reality. In the present moment things are good - it’s when we focus on the future or past too much that suffering occurs. Re engage with the present moment, your breath and your senses and the best person you want to be, ground yourself in the HERE and NOW. .
5. HUG YOURSELF/SOMEONE/ AN ANIMAL THAT YOU LOVE
Self soothe through some love. Some benefits of hugging include reducing stress, helping you reduce your fears and making you happier. Go hug a pet, partner, family member, friend or yourself.
You’ve got this 👌🏼 you’re a strong and special person!
Love, The I.A.M Team xxx